Saturday, May 26, 2012

One Plus One equals FOUR 9-11-06

Monday, September 11, 2006

One plus One equals FOUR

California1 Him to Her on the Evening of Our Engagement:
...Now here I sit, holding the token in my hand that will promise my love to you for as long as we both shall live. This is a day I have waited for my entire life. It is my hope and prayer that it will be one of the most special moments that you have ever experienced...I choose you, Kristen. I choose us. Will you be my bride? is my prayer that God will be glorified through our union of souls and that our lives will be a reflection of His grace and love....I am now dreaming of our future together...our wedding day...our honeymoon...the first time that we hold our child in our arms...the memories that are to come are as many as the starts in the sky...

AprilWords Penned to Landon the Night I found out that we were Pregnant with Him:
...I have loved children for as long as I can remember. I have counted down the years until I would be able to have my own. I have looked forward to that day with everything inside of me. I have loved this baby, way before it was ever conceived. And so into a household of love we welcome you...our first born baby. I love you, I always have....

The Lord has seen fit to allow another entry into yet another journal. We are so amazed and happy to announce that the Lord has blessed us with another child. Yes folks, we are PREGNANT!!!!
As of now it looks like we will be having a Mid-May baby. To say that we are thrilled is an extreme understatement. It absolutely amazes me at how God blesses...I feel so unworthy, but so thankful and humbled and thrilled. Thank you Lord for choosing to give us this life. May we honor you with the responsibility laid before us, and guide us as we train this child in the way he/she should go. Truly, is the Lord who opens and closes the womb...and we praise HIM this day!!!!

Trains Planes and Automobiles 9-8-06

Friday, September 08, 2006

Trains Planes and Automobiles

September 007  September 010 I have been meaning to post since Tuesday, but somehow this entire week has escaped me. Anyway, we went to my inlaws this past weekend. They gave us a wonderful time and surprised us by taking us to Greenfield Village which is an old fashioned village with Thomas Edison's house and workshop and the Wright Brothers original house moved from Ohio as well as tons of other interesting historical things to see and learn. The most amazing aspect by far, however, was the fulfillment of my son's lifelong dream...a ride on a REAL train. We told him Sat night that when he woke up we would go on a real train. You cannot imagine the excitement he showed. First of all, he NEVER stopped talking (sign #1 of excitement in our child), second, he was up early and raring to go. When we got there and he heard the train whistle and then saw it...the look on his face was priceless. I have to say that it was pretty amazing to watch him experience something he has talked so much about. He loved it. His Nana also took him on an old fashioned Model T ride and he got to enjoy this delectable ice cream cone with SPRINKLES on it. I think it was one of the best days of his life.
Other Random Happenings:
*I was watching the Today show this morning and Alan Jackson sang his song about the World Trade Centers. It was moving and enjoyable to revisit some of the feelings I felt that day. However, as they spanned the audience there was a firefighter wearing a helmet with the phrase, " We will never forget 9-11-01" on it. He was holding an American flag and although he was trying to hide his face behind the flag, he clearly had tears streaming down his cheeks. The look on the man's face clearly said that he lost someone dear that day...friends, coworkers, perhaps even a family member. I was moved to tears.
*We are going to a young marrieds get together at our church tonight. I am so excited to meet people and hopefully make some lifelong, wonderful friends. I am supposed to bring something hot and something cold: garlic herb veges (carrots and broccoli) and lemon bars. Yumm.
*September 001 Take a look at my two men. Both have the same eyes squinted shut. Who knew things like this were genetic? I wonder if all of our children will be replica's of their daddy  ?
*Landon is in a HORRIBLE arguing/negotiating/mean talking stage. If he is not arguing with me about something, he is being sassy. I feel like I am disciplining him every other minute and yet, I see no progress. I know it is a game of consistency, but man am I tired. If I have learned nothing else though, I have learned that every stage ends and new ones begin. This too shall pass...eventually. Hopefully we all come through unscathed....
*My mom came up yesterday. Landon loves her so much. He just loves being with her. I love it. Anyway, we took her to our library and Landon showed her our weekly ritual of the riding the elevator, looking at the fish and turtles, choosing DVD's and books, and taking the winding stair case to the basement where we throw a few pennies into the fountain. She loved it, he loved it...I loved it. How nice to have an opportunity to show her an every day part of our lives. I lived far from her the first year of Landon's life. I do not take it for granted any more. I thank God for opportunities such as yesterday.
*Finally, I just want to say how thankful I am for Landon. Our house would be so quiet, our lives so empty (not meaning without purpose, but empty in that he brings SO much into our lives), and my arms so longing for his little body and little kisses. He can be a handful, and he is right now, but ultimately there is no love like a mother's for her child.

Completely Random 8-31-06

Completly Random Happenings...

Ok, here is my list of fun/interesting things that have recently happened in our household:
  • Landon seems to get his S and F sounds mixed up quite often. This afternoon after lunch I rewarded him with a few smarties, but I told him he had to go potty first. After pottying, he came running into the kitchen yelling, "Mommy, get my farties please." He said it over and over (as I was busy cleaning up and it took me awhile to actually get the things). Each time he said it I chuckled just like a kid who thinks it is funny to have a potty mouth.
  • This dog that lives down the street has come to love my son. Yesterday while Landon and I played outside the dog played with us. This morning during breakfast I heard the dog pawing at our screen (yeah...not too happy about that). So I let Landon play with him for awhile until we left to go shopping. The dog just sat in our yard as we left and looked very forlorn.  I am NOT an animal lover and have told my animal-loving husband that I do not want a dog ever, but perhaps I will concede to him when we are done having children. Well, this entire event with this dog has made me rethink it in some ways because Landon loves this little creature and the dog really likes him back. But, no...rethinking over. I don't want dog hair and excretions in my yard or house. Yuck...nope, don't want a dog.
  • I went to the Gap outlet today. I randomly decided to go bc I had not been there in awhile and  I thought maybe they would have some good sales. I was right. Landon needed fall and winter pants really badly. For one regular price of Gap jeans ($30) I got a pair of gray cords, one new pair of jeans, a pair of dress khaki's, and a pair of khaki shorts for next year. I am so proud of my bargains and he has a new wardrobe. Now they just need to put their shirts on better sales. But hey...four pairs of pants for $30...not too bad in my book.
  • Last night at 5:32 I woke up to the chirping of the fire alarm. I decided to use the restroom since I was up after which I randomly decided to check on Landon in case he needed re-covered up. So I went in there and he looked sound asleep but as I pulled the covers up to his head he said (without moving as though still asleep), "something make music...ding, ding, ding!" I thought it was so funny and still am not sure if he was awake or asleep.
  • Last week we went to my dad's so that I could watch my baby sister Maria for the day. That evening we went out on my dad's boat. Here is a picture of my two men wearing their matching glasses. They look so much alike that when Landon gets a bit bigger it might be difficult to tell them apart 
  • We drove by a work crew building a new gas station the other day. Landon then informed me, "Mommy, I want to drive a tractor when I am a man!" When he is a cute!
  • Landon has been saying "Dang-it". We don't say it much...I don't think I ever really say it, but somewhere he picked it up. The really sounds like the real fact, I am not entirely sure it is Dang-it that he is saying. The only reason I assume it is, is because I would not have a clue where he heard the real thing. Anyway, we are consistently trying to curb the habit. We go to the Jon's parents this weekend...and I really don't want it slipping out there!
  • I registerd for classes yesterday. My official start-date back to my Masters studies is October 23. I will have 8 weeks to cram in a ton of work. I have a feeling xanga will become a thing of the past. Well...actually, I would miss you all too much to drop it. But I am sure I will be doing it a lot less. Nap time will become school time...not xanga time. Anyway, I am really excited to start back. With these new 8 week terms I will be overwhelmingly busy, BUT I will get my degree that much quicker.
  • I am addicted to Breyer's light caramel tracks ice cream. It has 1/2 the fat, 20% less calories, and is absolutely delicious. I didn't even know I liked caramel until I bought this ice cream. Yumm!
  • It is sunny and breezy and cool today. A gorgeous day, really...I just cannot believe the summer is over already. I am not ready to be cooped up in my house for another six months.
  • Dang it...where are my farties?

I Tell them I tell them Not...8-29-06

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I Tell Them...I Tell Them Not...

For weeks now...perhaps even longer than a month, I have been debating whether or not to let the Xanga world in on our family planning. I had thoroughly decided not to, but last month when I got a big negative on the stick (a few times actually) and then a visit from the monthly little friend, I was so sad that I thought seriously about posting my feelings. However, sanity got the better of me, and I am so glad because the very next day I was feeling much better and probably would have loathed the emotional post I surely would have written. Anyway, we are on to the trying again, in fact, we are done with that and in what I like to call "The Waiting". I think these two week waiting periods that women have to endure before they know if or if not they are pregnant are sheer torture. You second guess everything, constantly battle hope versus not getting too hopeful, and deeply desire to fast forward your life at least 10 days. I sure would love to do that.
Ok, so we waited awhile to get pregnant. Landon will be three in October. We had a lot to recover from after our surprise baby (AKA Landon) that happened while we were still in college (yes, we were married...we got married the summer before our Senior year, got pregnant six months later...that would make a great later post). Anyway, we waited until we were absolutely ready for another, assuming all of the while that when we tried it would happen very easily, considering how Landon was conceived. However to our amazement, it has not happened that way. I suppose it has taken these months to teach us that we really have very little to do with when/if/how many children we have the privelege of having. God is the one who opens and closes the womb. Last month, after all of my negative results lmy husband said something very profound. He asked me if I believed that God has a specific child for us. To which I had to agree. When I began to focus my mind on my Heavenly Father literally knitting together a child for me, it became much easier to say, "This wasn't the month...whatever the Lord needed to make our baby wasn't is to hoping for next month!" The time went very fast between then and the time spent "trying." However, now I am back in "the waiting" and my mind and soul and spirit are, not anxious really, but desperately wanting to know. I am finding it much more difficult to be patient and calm. I am second-guessing everything while at the same time, trying to convince myself that I am not pregnant so that if/when I find out that I am not I do not have to mourn a child that never was.
So there it is. The news is out. I guess I am sharing this with you all because it is a huge part of our lives right now. We talk about it nearly every day. Not necessarily out of a sense of urgency or anxiousness, but out of anticipation and desire and hope. I think in our short time of trying and waiting we have learned a great deal. My hat goes off to those that wait for 6, 12, 18 months. I can only imagine how you must need the grace of God in such tangible ways. I am desperately praying that if I am not pregnant I will do a better job with handling it. At the same time, my hope this month is higher than any other and in light of that fact, I have a sinking feeling that a negative will be more difficult this month than any other. And so we wait. We did all we could do, and now we leave it in the Lord's form a child for us, or to choose to wait. Oh how I long for the former...

A Milestone in Brenn's Life 8-28-06

Monday, August 28, 2006

A Milestone in My Little Sister's Life

My little sister, Brennigan, started her freshman year at college this past weekend. This is a great milestone for any teenager, but an especially unexpectedly large one for her. Brenn has an anxiety disorder and two years ago, could barely leave the house, weighed around 85 pounds, and was completely debilitated by her sickness. Even a year ago, none of us really expected that she would leave the shelter of her home to forge out a life on her own. But this weekend she proved us all wrong, and clearly showed that she is stronger than any of us really knew. She did so wonderfully well as we moved her in, met her roommate, and did all of the orientation stuff. In fact, she did not miss one event, but boldly and in many ways, with more confidence and courage than I had as a college freshman, put herself out there to meet lots of new people and really embrace her new college experience. To say that I am proud of her would be an understatement. I have to say that I left this weekend with a new-found admiration for the courage and determination that she has shown. In many ways, I am in awe at how, for one of the first times, I am finding myself looking UP at my little sister...wanting to be more like HER. I am just so amazed by her and so very, very proud of her.
Brenn had to go lottery for her roommate. The college she chose is a "Christian" college, but not a conservative one at all. In fact, in many ways, it is quite similar to a secular college. So...we were all a bit nervous about who her roommate would be. I am just so thankful and really in awe at how God works things out, because Brenn's roommate could not be any better. Seriously. She is perfect for Brenn...caring, flexible, sweet, hard-working, walks the narrow road, has awesome parents, she is just wonderful! I think God knew Brenn needed Beth...and we are just so thankful for her!
Ok, so going through the whole freshman getting started thing seriously brought memories back for me. They had the same swarms of guys meet you when you pull up and unload your car and carry all your stuff to the room. Parents everywhere putting shelves together, unpacking, know, parents stuff. The kids had small groups a couple of times a day, we had to buy books, eat in the cafeteria, walk all over campus a hundred times, etc. I will say that I was dumbfounded by how little Brenn and Beth had in their room. Don't get me is DARLING, but what I mean is...they had extra room...they did not have stuff exploding out of every nook and cranny, like Kristin and I did. We had so much stuff, it is quite a miracle it all fit. Seriously. I kept asking them if that was all they had...they even have extra room in their drawers and shelves! They must just be really great packers! Anyway, the entire experience left me nostalgic and missing my alma mater and all of you dear ones.
So their college is only about ten minutes from my house. I am so excited to get to interact with college girls again. It is such a transforming, magical four years of life, and I am so excited to get to watch them grow and change and learn. Plus it is an added bonus to have "Aunt Brenn" just down the road. I am just so thrilled that she made it!

The War Has Come Home 8-23-06

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The War Has Come Home

I just returned to the couch from checking on my sleeping little boy. My little boy who is so in love with his daddy right now...he thinks his daddy is the smartest, coolest, toughest, funnest guy in the entire world. When Jon gets home from work, Landon is literally at the door waiting with a list a mile long of all the fun things he wants to do with his daddy...and only with his daddy.
Last evening I learned of one little boy who won't get to know his daddy. Gabriel DeRoo, a classmate of mine, an old boyfriend of mine...a friend of mine...was killed in Iraq Sunday. It was a gunshot to the neck that took this only son, loving husband, and daddy to one eight month old little boy.
For so long the war has seemed so remote to me. Yes, it has implications here at home, but I had not been personally touched by it. I fear for those friends of mine that serve our country and I pray for them, but beyond was just something I sided with the President on. But last night, and today again as more news pored I watched his dad on the news tonight crying and reminiscing of days gone by when Gabe would push his plastic mower next to his dad, the war hit my heart with a bombshell. I mourn with and for his parents and sisters. They are believers and gave a very clear testimony of that tonight on the news, but you can hear and see the pain that is ripping at their souls. I absolutely ache for his wife. I cannot even begin to understand the pain, the emptiness, the void she must feel. I have prayed for her so many times, and I usually just ask the Lord to comfort her in a way that I cannot understand, to touch her in tangible ways, and to perhaps, maybe make some sort of sense for her out of this seemingly senseless death. And I weep for their son. He will be a year old in December. He will never know his dad. He will not play hide and seek and monster, will not push his play mower next to Gabe, and will not ever get to experience the bond that I have the privilege of witnessing every day between my husband and son. Yes, I absolutely ache for them.
At first, this all seemed a distant reality to me. I could not grasp it. I went to three banquets with Gabe (banquets were our Christian school version of prom). I have pictures with him and memories. Far beyond the dates we went on, he was a very intricate part of our 19 person class. We did not know it then, but we were all so close, knit together by our common experiences and memories. I can hear his laugh, see his smile. Even today as I called classmates to inform them and as I learned more details of what happened, the reality of the situation just did not hit me. But tonight it did. On the 11pm news they had a small tribute to Gabe...his mom and dad, sisters, pictures of his wife and son, and at the very end of the tribute came the most unbelievable turn of events. His wife received flowers today...probably from dozens of people, but she also received flowers from Gabe. Yes, he sent her flowers from Iraq on Saturday...the day before his death...she received them today.
If no one sacrificed their lives, their wives and family...we would not be America. Gabe's death does not make sense to me, but often the most self-sacrificing choices don't make sense because they go against the grain of human selfishness and limited perspective on life, as though it is all for the here and now. I definitely fall into that trap. The fact of the matter is that those who choose to be soldiers, to defend and protect our country, and beyond that, my freedom and the safety of my family...I salute you in a completely new and different way today. I think the choice that you have made, and the sacrifices that you, and in so many ways, your wife and child/children have made are beacons of light shining forth a few rays of selflessness and self-sacrifice in a world filled with the darkness of selfishness. While we sit home and fret about not having babysitters so we can go out to dinner, you say goodbye for a year on end, never knowing if the year will ever end. I applaud you and I honor you and I thank you.
Gabe's death was not senseless, he died for a cause. Please pray for his wife and son, her name is Hannah and his son is named Gabriel (I have never met either of them). All I know is that the flowers and note she received today from her dead husband probably literally knocked her to the ground, and she is going to need the hand of God to lift her up again. Gabriel knew the Lord as his Savior, and is now enjoying the life that we were made for...the eternal one. Praise God for that.

Continuing Saga of Gap Sticker Neighbor 8-21-06

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Continuing Saga of the Gap Sticker Neighbor

I should write a book about the ins and outs of getting to know one's neighbors...about the fact that it takes a year to make any real tie's...and about how if the first time you meet your gorgeous next door neighbor who seems practically perfect in every way you have a GAP sticker stuck all of the way across your forehead, it won't hinder your relationship eternally. Yes, after about ten meetings in between our yards and a lot of meaningless chatter (and some in-depth conversations...kind of), she has actually asked me if I would be willing to watch her newborn come January. This is huge. You do not ask just anyone to watch your child...even for one day a week. So, she must not think I am that weird if she is willing to allow me to care for her baby. I was actually really excited. I have been looking for something to add to my week...and this will be perfect, plus it will hopefully prepare Landon for what his life will hold some day in the (hopefully near) future. The baby is due in late November or early December (I can't remember), so she will probably go back to work sometime in January. I am really excited about this opportunity. Someone asked me awhile back if I had asked her what her impression of that whole sticker incident was. I have not yet, but now, I think I may just be able to.
This past Saturday evening we went to my friend Stacy and her husband Scott's house. They made us an amazing dinner of salad, the best sweet corn on the cob I have ever had, and chicken marinaded in this (the classic). We had never had this marinade, but we loved it so much that we went out and bought some yesterday and made it again last night for dinner. It was THAT good!
Last night Jonathan and I craved a smore so badly that we lit a small piece of wood in his grill so that we could roast A marshmellow each. Talk about going to extremes to have a snack. Besides being a bit was quite delicious!
We took Landon to Barnes and Noble this weekend. We have not taken him there in about a year, but before that we went all of the in a few times a week. They have a Thomas the train set and a big stage that kids can play on. He loved it...and it was free entertainment. I remember having so many random conversations with random women whose kids were also playing there. Anyway, this past weekend when we were there, there was also a little boy who was exactly a year younger than Landon. Seeing him and seeing Landon was such an illustration to me of just how much my little boy has grown up in this past year. When we were last there, Landon was barely talking (words here and there). This time, he was a constant chatter box about the water tower and the train going under and over the bridge and the roundhouse and at one point, he was walking about the table COUNTING all of the cars. When he was done with the train set, he wanted to go sit on the stage and read books. Last time, he would not sit still for more than half a second. My little boy, in so many ways, is growing up.

8-17-06 Small Step for the boy, huge step for mama's morale

Thursday, August 17, 2006

A Small Step for the Boy, a HUGE step for Mommy's Morale

Everyone else seems to be doing bulleted lists...I am going to join the club:
  • My parents are on vacation in Florida for the week, and as a little going away present my mom gave Landon some Veggie Tales fruit snacks. For him, this was HUGE and he was very excited about much so that he would ask to "look" at them all of the time. Meaning, he wanted the box so he could stare at the packages longingly. He knew he could only open one and eat it if I gave the ok first. Well...last week I was in the shower and noticed that Landon was being extremely quiet, so I got out and snuck into the living room to see what he was doing. He was driving his truck around the fruit snacks, and when one pack caught his eye, he stopped and I could tell by the way that he was eyeing it that he was debating whether or not to sneak and eat it while I was not watching. I watched his little brain decide, and was thrilled when he chose to keep playing and not eat a fruit snack. Yes, I know it was a very little thing, but I had the privilege of watching him CHOOSE to obey and it made me very, very happy!
  • My parents are gone, so I have spend the last few days at their house taking care of my grandparents. My Grandpa has Alzheimers and my grandma takes care of him, but they don't get out much, so I brought them groceries and hung out with them for a while. I just love spending time with them because I have so many memories at their house and my Grandma is just so wise and so fun to be with, and I know that in a few years everything I have ever known with them will change, forever. That thought scares me and saddens me greatly, and makes the time I get to spend with them now, that much more special.
  • I went to Meijer today to get groceries. The entire experience was not an especially great one, but the cherry on the top was when we were back in the car on the way home and I noticed that my shorts were unbuttoned...all four buttons. So basically, the tie was tied and that was keeping them up and giving me the illusion that my pants were buttoned...but they weren't and I was a tad embarrassed. I have no idea how this happened...I am usually so good about buttoning and zipping....
  • Landon refers to himself as "fels". So, since everything has to be done by "himfels" we hear it all the time. It really becomes quite funny when I try and try to get him to say "self" and he goes: "sssss fels".
  • Slowly, very slowly, I am learning that I cannot control everything. I love to be in control...have all my ducks in a row...plan, plan, plan. But some things just cannot be "planned." This is where we learn to trust and believe that God is good, rather than just say it.
  • I am on a Gilmore Girls kick. We are watching the back seasons right now, but I am totally addicted. And...I love their clothes. I wish I could afford even a few of the outfits they wear.  
  • Michigan peaches are the best fruit known to man (besides Michigan strawberries of course). Tonight there will be a delicious peach cobbler on the table for dessert. I am quite excited!
  • Landon has learned the art of arguing. It is driving me crazy. I can so clearly see that if we allowed him to continue to talk to us this way, when he was a teenager there would be so little respect. I wish we did not have to go through this with him, but I would much rather teach him now than have to deal with this in 15 years from now.
  • Finally, I am in love with using scarves (not winter ones) as head bands. I only have one, but I love it. Target has a brown one that I would love to have for fall...we shall see. I am trying to grow my hair out. I say trying because every day I do my hair and feel so ugly I want to crawl back into bed. This in-between stage is not good on my emotions. The scarves will hopefully get me through these next few months. Or maybe not... 


Ok, so clearly I am horrible with arranging photo's on xanga. I need some lessons I guess! Anyway, there you are. It was such an amazing day....I was surrounded by the best bridesmaids in the world and it was just a day right out of a fairy tale book. I am sure all bride's feel that way....they surely should! Yes, of course things went awry...the florist made me a bouquet with everything I DID NOT ask for, in fact, specifically asked NOT for. Yes, my step-mother did not get her corsage and there was a family crisis. But you know...none of it least not to me. For those of you not yet married...ENJOY your wedding day. Who cares what goes wrong, just drink deeply of all those goes right...cherish every step down the aisle, the look on your spouse's face, the feelings of being a princess, all of it. The day goes so fast and so many times I have wished to revisit it...if only for a moment. What a treasure.
EDIT: This is our budding little artist. He is constantly asking us to show him how to draw things. He has never really done anything substantial but the other night while Jonathan and I were lost in conversation Landon kept interupting. When we finally looked down to see what he wanted he said, "Look, I drew a face!" We were say the least...and extremely proud.
It has struck me recently how all my two year old really WANTS in the world is for us to play with him. He tries everything to convince us that we can, should, and would be benefited from playing with him...anything, cars, train, obstacle course out of couch cushions, etc. Children's desires are so simple. Playing is all that he cares about in the world. He does not want after new clothes, or even toys, doesn't want a bigger or better house or car, a boat, a vacation...none of those things. He just wants to play...and be played with. How simple is that. I suppose it is just some of the innocence of childhood that we lose as we get older and find ourselves coveting and lusting after more and more things. If only life could be so simple...I wish I could bottle up his little desires and save them forever. I love to see the innocence of childhood playing out before my very eyes.

Four Years and Counting 8-9-06

Edit: This picture is from our trip to California last summer. I don't have any wedding pictures in digital form and I don't have a scanner  Sorry!!!
Usually it feels as though I have been married for a lifetime. I can hardly remember what it was like to live with my parents, not include someone in all of my decisions, not share financial and spiritual responsibilities.  I can hardly remember what it was like to not have another half...
But then at other times I feel like our wedding day was last week. A certain smell or feel to the air reminds me of that perfect day. Other times, I can remember so clearly wondering if/who God had for me and when I would meet him.
I am not afraid to admit that I had issues as a dating teen/early 20's. Blame it on my lack of a father, busyness of my mom and stepdad, or just plain immaturity, but I had serious commitment issues. I had one boyfriend before Jonathan. I had dated this guy for almost three years and then in the blink of an eye it was over, and he was getting married shortly thereafter. Add that to my bitterness and issues. Needless to say, by the time I got to college, I really was not in the market. Well, I was and I wasn't. I did not want a serious boyfriend, but of course, I was always secretly watching, wondering. Right after freshman year Christmas break my friends Kristin and Kelly (or maybe it was just Kelly that day...I can't remember), happened to sit in a different spot in chapel than we used to (bc someone had the audacity to take our "usual" spot). While listening ever so intently to the speaker (I have no idea who it was that day), I noticed this cute blond haired boy sitting about eight rows down from us (we were on the side of the chapel...going down from the balcony). Anyway, he was blonde and had this cute grey turtleneck sweater on. I also noticed that he was sitting near my unitmate, Sara. All during chapel I thought about asking her who he was, but that so not my nature! But after chapel, somehow, I found myself walking down to her (the cute blond being gone) and asking who that guy was...SO not me! She told me his name was Jonathan. Well, come to find out, later that SAME day Jonathan stopped Sara and my friend Megan on the sidewalk and asked them who the cute curly haired blonde girl they had been hanging out with recently was. Ironic...huh! So, they decided that we were going on a unit pick-a-date and were going to surprise me and pick him for my date. They did...and to spare you endless details and an everlastingly long story, suffice to say that we NEVER shut up the entire date, and I still get made fun of for the "looks" that Jonathan and I gave each other and the tones of voices that we used. Our first date (January 2000) was a couple weeks later, and from there we ended up engaged on Feb. 28th, 2002 and married the following Aug 9. Jonathan was such a pursuer...he never let me go, even when I pushed and pushed and pushed him away (see above commitment issues). Over time, we worked through our immaturities and issues, and by the time of our engagement, I know that we both felt and could see the hand of God guiding, leading and healing us so that we could unite as one.
It has always been so important to me to marry "the right one". I knew there would be no second chances. Not only do I think divorce is scripturally wrong, I lived through it, and I would never do that to my children or my family. That is why I had to know...not just feel that Jonathan was right. In so many ways, God proved to me, spoke to me, really, that I could find my forever in Jonathan. That knowledge was and is priceless to me.
Marriage is truly amazing because in every way possible, you merge two souls, two personalities, two bodies, and two lives together. So much so that after a few years of it, you have a very difficult time figuring out where one ends and the other begins. For a time, I struggled with this, feeling like I had lost a sense of self (who I was apart from my marriage and my role as mother). But I am coming to learn that who I am cannot be separated and compartmentalized. Knowing myself, means knowing Jonathan, and while my marriage and role as mother do not necessarily define me, they make indelible marks on my identity and again, are knit into the fiber of my being.
I am so thankful for my husband. He works so hard to provide for us, and does an amazing job. Whatever he does not know, he learns. If he cannot do something, he works at it until he can. He is a father who LOVES his son. He has the ability to find pleasure in the things that Landon says and does, and the wisdom to enjoy every moment that he can with his boy. He is faithful and true. Never, not one time, ever has he lied to me nor anyone else I know. He communicates (actually, he is better at this than even I am) and seeks to reconcile when such needs to happen. He seeks for us to grow rather than remain where we are. And he loves me. No matter what, I always, always know that. There is a deep, deep well of love inside of that man, for me. Wow! What girl does not dream of saying that someday! I have been able to say it for years now, but today I shout it from the roof tops, because it is a testimony to God's faithfulness that true love does indeed exist. That it is not just for fairy tales...there is so much more to it than the world has to offer. Yes, there are difficult times, and no, it is not always easy...but in the end love is a choice, and I praise my God that I have a husband who chooses to love me every single day, even when he may not feel like it.
So four years and counting. Today I got a card from my Grandma and she said that she prays one day I will say to her..."We made it, Grandma...61 years and we are still going!" Because of God's faithfulness and grace, today I say, "We made it Grandma...4 years and counting...and we are going...and going and going and going." Praise God! Happy Anniversary, Honey. I love you.

A FUN Weekend 8-7-06

After a very boring week, we had a spectacular weekend! Friday evening we had friends over and ordered pizza. Later, we put Landon to bed and played games into the wee hours of morning. This particular friend I have not really been in contact with since high school, and just recently found out that she lived near me. Our first get together was a BIG hit...her and her husband were so much fun! Saturday we went to my grandparents pool for the day and then later took Landon down to the town fair (called the Peach Festival). I have to say that it is not much (very small town), but when I was a young teen, and pre-teen that was the place to be. It brought back a lot of memories to be down there, but now that I have a child and am married and have moved past that era, I really have no desire to go back. I saw a lot of things in that short time at the fair, that I could really go without . Anyway...Sunday was a wonderful day or worship and napping (we were all tired). Then last evening we went over to my sister-in-laws and they made us a wonderful dinner of shishkabobs and rice. Awesome! After that we went down to the park and she worked her magic with the camera. I have only had the priveldge of seeing a few of the shots...but as always, she is absolutely amazing.  Her work has been hung in a local Starbucks for 6 weeks and a hospital is looking to pick up her work for their maternity ward. She really is incredible...and I am so proud of her!
Today was spent grocery shopping and playing outside. Landon is finally better...PRAISE THE LORD!!! It was a stretch for me to let him go to Sunday school yesterday...all those germs, but as a measure of faith that he will be protected, I let him go  If it were up to me...the kid would live in a bubble. He is sick entirely too much. But can't do I sent him off to the wolves, praying that God will boost his immune system.
A few cute Landonisms:
* This weekend we took Jonathan's car everywhere to save on gas and miles. Landon has not ridden in there in quite some time so he was very excited about it. Numerous times this weekend he would pipe up from the back of the car, "This is a very nice car, Daddy!" Then, "Did it cost a lot of money?"
* When Landon wants something or is trying to get out of trouble, he now tacks on the word 'Honey". Ie: after peeing his pants, and trying to assure me that he should not be in trouble he says, "It is ok, Honey!" It is just a little bit, Honey." By the way, potty training really has gone well for months now. We only have occasional accidents! Hooray!!!
*Landon woke up screaming this morning. When I went in there he kept saying (through his hysterical hicups), "I don't want anybody to get Mommy." Poor kid had a dream that someone was chasing his mommy...and it made him hysterical. Yeah, he loves me .

Your Old Lovey 8-1-06

Your Old Lovey

The other night, after Jonathan had read Landon his story and I had tucked him in and said prayers, Landon asked, "Where is my Elmo?" Thankfully, he was nearby so I picked him up off of the floor and handed him to Landon. Whereby Landon replied, "I missed him, he is my best friend!" I thought that was so precious! And, I have to say that it caused a small twinge of desire in me to drive over to my mom's house, go into my old room, open my closet, rummage through the top shelf of "keepsakes" and find my old blanket and Moufy (a mouse with this affectionate name). I remember the comfort those objects used to bring me in my young age, but it has been years and years since I have looked at them, held them, smelled them...or really even remembered that they existed. But for a few years of my life, quite a long time ago now, they were my favorite things in the whole world, and to have them near brought comfort and security and happiness, second to none.
Ok, so blatant honesty time: Last night Jonathan and I had a disagreement. Not a shouting fest or anything like that, but a disagreement of sorts. Ok, and it was during dinner, so obviously in front of Landon. During it, and after it, he asked me numerous times why Daddy and I were talking mean. Umm....can I just say that was like an arrow in my heart. My parents divorced when I was three. Yes, I remember hearing their fights...usually at night right after I went to bed. Granted, their fights were a little louder than ours was last night, but regardless, hearing him say this made me feel a million feelings that I never wanted to feel. Moral: while I think that there is some merit in teaching your children the art of disagreement (that it does occur from time to time and that it can be worked out), I don't think that it should be done over dinner directly in front of your two year old. So after it was over, we of course apologized (something I am finding myself having to do a lot lately), and took him on a nice family walk. But I still feel badly...
Two nights this past week we took Landon to Lake Michigan. He has always loved the beach, but this week has taken a serious love for the water. The waves were of good size and all he wanted to do was be in them, jump them, fly through the water with Daddy, and be a fish. It was so cute....and so grown up. I love the beach in the evening. I think it is my favorite time...and maybe my favorite place too.
This morning I woke up to Landon sitting in the living room with his Curious George books spread out all over the place. He had his stuffed bear, monkey, and Elmo sitting around him in a circle and was "reading" them his books. One word: precious.
Well, I don't have a very interesting life right now. This entire week was spent at home bc of Landon's sickness. And yes, he still has the cough. My only outing was to Meijer (three times this week bc it is a grocery store and I don't feel guilty for buying groceries...only about everything else  ) This weekend looks promising though...we shall see.


Monday, July 31, 2006
Edit: You know that commercial for that cellulite cream....the one where the little boy is driving his car up and down his mom's legs while she is laying on the cough and when he gets to her thighs he starts making the car bump up and down over her celullite (never mind the fact that her legs look better than mine ever will). Anyway, Landon is driving everything on our bodies...choo choo's, buses, cars, etc... It always makes me think of that commercial bc if he ever bumps over my cellulite, I think I will die. 
Edit 2: It is so hot out that walking from the grocery store to my car, seriously makde me sweat (and I am not a natural sweater ). I tried weeding htis morning while Landon played, but it only lasted about twenty minutes. It s really one of those days that old people would say, "You could fry an egg on the sidewalk." But man, do I love summer.
Edit 3: I was just thinking earlier how I cannot remember the last time I rocked my son. After several coughing fits this afternoon during nap, I pulled the rocker into his room and rocked him for almost 2 hours. This has to be the only good thing so far about this dreaded illness.
Well...we had another visit to Prime Care this weekend. Landon's cold that was getting worse. I was convinced he had a sinus infection, but was going to wait until today to go see his regular doctor. However, after having him cough until he threw up TWICE in his nap yesterday, we spent the extra money and took him...and left with a beautiful antibiotic. He has an ear infection and another secondary bacterial infection. I didn't think kids were supposed to get sick like this in the summer.
Thursday we had my grandparents, mom and sister up and we had a beautiful lunch at an outdoor deli and then I took them to a park that has benches and flowers and fountains (stuff they love...which they did). It was such a wonderful day. That night my mom and Brenn and I went shopping for Brenn's first year of college. That too was a blast. Friday my sister watched Landon all day for me while I went to Birch Run with my neighbor that has the tiny baby girl. We went to a huge outlet mall that happens to have a Pottery Barn outlet. All I bought was a shelf for Landon's room and a tank top for Landon from Gymboree. Nothing too exciting...but the day away did wonders for my spirit. But when I got home that night I noticed Landon's nose running again and by Saturday he was quite sick...again. Perhaps the Lord knew I needed that outing before entering this sick stage yet again. Will it ever end?!?!?! Why are kids sick so much...or my kid at least!!! Good grief.
Soon after Jonathan and I got married, my husband saw a gorgeous desk at Restoration Hardware that he desperately wanted. We clearly could not afford it, so he decided that he would build it. It has taken almost four years (we do not have wood tools, so he has used his dad's, my dad's, etc...) and it is almost done. Actually it was done last summer, but when he put the protective coat on, he hated it. After all of that time and effort, he could not bare to not love his desk, so he is stripping it and re-finishing it. Landon loves to help. This picture was actually taken last summer in our duplex, but the same is happening again now. He has always loved being a helper. I just cannot wait to have this piece of furniture done and in my house. I am still in amazement that just by looking at a piece of furniture, Jonathan could take some boards of wood and turn it into a piece of art. Incredible.
Sometime in the past few months Landon has become obsessed with showers. He rarely wants to take a bath anymore (something he used to absolutely love), and always wants to take a shower. It is faster for us, which is nice, but it is kind of sad that baths are becoming a thing of the past. Who knows, maybe he will cycle around and go for baths again, but for now...he loves his showers. Last night after he was washed I let him play in there for a little while as I was getting his pj's and towel. As I walked by the bathroom I heard his little voice singing "I love to sing...sing in the la la la" and "Hello rain, it is good to see you again (a song from a new Christian kids series called Boz)". He was singing in the shower...and it was adorable.
Well, I have a child begging me to go outside with him, and to be done with the computer...and I am beginning to feel a bit guilty for being on here so long. So, adios...have a most wonderful day!

You Cannot Sing Honey 7-24-06

You cannot sing Honey!

Edit: I forgot this funny story:
* The other night we were in Target and Landon very loudly pronounced that he had an itch. I asked him what itched and he said he had a bug bite. I asked where the bite was assuming his arm or something like that. He VERY loudly pronounced, "I have a bug bite on my BUTT!" Where do kids pick these things up? I have not taught him what a bug bite is...or an itch for that matter. He just assimilates every day language into his own, and begins to understand it. Very amazing...and funny. I just remembered this story bc I was wiping him on the potty and sure enough...there is a good size bug bite right on his little butt .
Landon has picked up on the endearing use of "Honey" as a lovey name. Consequentially, he has begun calling Jonathan and I "Honey" instead of Mommy and Daddy. A few examples in the last few days:
*Landon was in the closet banging on the door pretending to be a monster. I was outside of the closet acting scared to death of him (he loves this game). Eventually he came out of the closet telling me gently, "Don't be was just my hand Honey, not a monster Honey!"
*Last night at dinner while Jonathan and I were discussing something, Landon interjected, "It is my turn to talk, Honey!"
*This morning I was very loudly singing something. Landon interrupted me saying, "You cannot sing cannot sing!" I am quite sure he meant that I really cannot sing...although I cannot and probably should not lest I damage any musical ability that he has from his father.
Yesterday morning Landon was taking forever to eat his breakfast (a pretty usual occurrence). The problem was that we were going to be late for Bible study. I tried (I really, really did!) to be patient, but eventually I got upset and said something totally inappropriate to him. I felt doubly bad bc I was trying to not be late for BIBLE study and it was not his fault that I was making him eat right when he got up rather than the usual half hour later breakfast. When we finally did get in the car I apologized to him and again when I put him to bed last night. I need more patience. My patience seem so thin these days. I just feel somewhat down to be blatantly honest. There is not a particular reason. I have been in this funk for weeks now. There are small things, but generally I just don't feel happy and optimistic. I have a list of people who have called me that I cannot summon up the energy to call back. I feel quiet and down, distracted and in need of a vacation (preferably to the mountains where I can enjoy the awesomeness of creation). I don't know why I am sharing this with the xanga world other than to explain why my posts have been somewhat downers...or maybe I just feel that way bc of my spirit. Who knows...I just feel oppressed.
So there it is...maybe next time I will have something a tad more interesting to write about . Until then, in the words of my precious boy...Have a great day...Honey!

What Say? 7-24-06

Before I became a mother of a toddler, I vowed that whenever he/she entered into the "Why?" stage that I would do my best to answer each why question. We have been wondering when Landon would start asking this three letter question...and this past weekend it began. Now, everything, and I truly do mean everything has this three letter word attached to it. After only about two days of this, I am very tired of explaining everything under the sun. To make matters worse, he has also decided that he is half deaf, and quite often after I give him a detailed description of something he looks at me and says, "What say?" ...and we are back at square one. Wonderful.
We had ice cream sundaes after we put Landon to bed tonight. I bought the works at the store today...bananas, hot fudge, m&m's, ice cream. It tasted great, but I ate it about an hour ago and I still feel sick. I think that my eyes were bigger than my stomach, but since I hate wasting anything I stuffed it all in...and now I wish it were all out. Yuck. Don't even talk to me about ice cream right now...ugh!
I am going to my first Bible study at this new church tomorrow. I am excited and a little nervous. I am joining halfway through and it is always somewhat difficult to be "the new person." I am kind of tired of being the new person. This was our fourth move and I feel like I have been "the new person" since I left my home church when we got married. I am ready to be home and to welcome other new people. Hopefully this is yet another step towards that end.
Last evening Landon and I washed my car together. He loves to do things like that. In the midst of our scrubbing he so sweetly said, "I love you very much, Mommy!" I love it when he spontaneously says things like that. It was completely unexpected and simply weld up in his little body bc he was so happy and content to be spending time with me while washing my car with a soapy sponge.
August is coming....duh! Yes, I know obviously it is coming, but what I mean is I can feel the shift. Do you know what I mean...the plants and trees turn a brownish hugh of green...the sun sets a little earlier, the crickets sound a tad different and during the day, the cicada's come out and make that trademark August noise. I am saddened by this, because for some reason I feel like this summer is going entirely too fast. I cannot bare the thought of it ending in a month, or even two. I love the fall, but it is way too short. I am coming to hate the winters. Maybe we really do need to move south...but that would entail a move which would make me the "new person" yet again. And it would mean missing out on the gorgeous autumn, even if it is short. I do love apple orchards, pumpkin carving, leaves, crisp air, hay rides, cider, and of course, for the past three October's there is a special nostalgia that comes over me...for it is the season that we got to meet our son
Remember my Gap sticker neighbor friend? She is pregnant...due in December. Despite the fact that the first real conversation we ever had, there was a Gap sticker across my forehead, she has still befriended me. I would not say we are "friends", but if we are outside watering our flowers at the same time, we talk. So, slowly but surely I am showing her that I am really not a freak .
I was watching America's Funniest Home Videos tonight and I was struck anew with how easily we could win the $10,000 prize. When we got pregnant with Landon no one...and I do mean NO one...was expecting it. We taped telling my parents (which was quite funny in itself) and also telling my cousin Jessica. Her response is EASILY worth the prize. If only I could make another copy of it to send in. To tell you how she responded would never do it would have to see it...but basically I seriously thought that we would need a paper bag (for hyperventilation) and maybe some smelling salts (in the event that she passed out as she appeared to be very close to doing). It was priceless and every time I watch it I laugh all over again. Good times...

Smattering of Nonsense 7-20-06

Thursday, July 20, 2006

A Smattering of Nonsense

Life. We have been busy lately...just living really. We had company last weekend, spent two days at the beach, I joined a Bible Study (which often means doing my chapter while Landon is sleeping, thus, no xanga; cleaning the mechanic garage, and getting together with friends that I have not seen since high school. Fun times.
After all of this busyness Landon came down with cold # 4176. I think I am becoming a non-believer in the whole hand washing thing. I am a freak...every time we walk in the door hands are washed, before every meal, and there are two packages of antibacterial wipes in my purse. Yes, I know...I said I was a freak. But obviously none of it matters because somehow these respiratory viruses always find my son. If he was like any other kid, it would really be no big deal for him to get these colds. But he isn't. He has this weird gag reflex thing where if he coughs just right, or too much, he throws up. Usually it happens when he is laying down (ie...napping or sleeping). So, life stops around here when he has a cold because you never really know when the next cough is going to trigger the gag. This time I have only had to wash his entire bedding once...the other times I have either caught it or prevented it...if I move him quickly to his back sometimes that helps or if I get him a drink of juice sometimes that helps too. Either way, I hate it. I have previously shared my distaste, fear, phobia, whatever...of puke with you all. I think that this gag thing of Landon's mixed with the extreme pregnancy sickness I endured with this kid, are meant to get me over my hang-up. I hate to say it...but I have a ways to go. I am a mess when he is sick like this...just ask my husband. On second thought, don't! 
So these past weeks I have been thinking about myself a bit. That sounds funny. I have decided that I am an inhibited person. I really always have been, but to varying degrees throughout my life. I wish that I could live every moment with passion and feel everything to the deepest fiber of my being...but I don't. I am inhibited by so many things, and people, and experiences. I long to move past these things.
In more uplifting news: I have noticed that Landon's vocabulary is radically changing. A few months ago, chocolate used to be Ah Ah; Pizza, Bahee; Excuse Me, Me E; Sheep, Beeeah; and so the list goes on. I noticed these past few days that all of this has changed. He now says these words flawlessly. The only vocabulary problem he faces is that he cannot say F sounds...they come our as S for some reason. I am sure in just a few months, this too shall fade away and he will enter fully into the adult world of language. It is fun to watch this metamorphosis, but I have to say that if it makes me this sad to see my first born leave behind his baby ways, I cannot image how I will be with my last child.
My sister-in-law took this picture. She is the most amazing photographer you will ever meet. She specializes in child photography, but she has this amazing ability to catch anyone ior anything and make it into a masterpiece of art. She has got to be the most talented person I have ever my entire life. Here is her website if you want to check it

Humility and Dumbfoundedness 7-12-06

A Moment of Humility and Dumbfoundedness

Today was, I think one of the most humbling moments I have faced thus far as a mother. Ok, so not THE most, but close. My normally very good natured son who actually uses manners on a normal bases decided to totally blind sight me today and make an old lady cry. We were in the checkout lane at Meijer, just about to leave the store. As I was putting my groceries on the counter I noticed that this old lady behind me was kind of crowding I could not get between her and my cart...there was not enough room. But I just figured she wanted to be close to Landon (old ladies like kids, usually). She was kind of eyeing him kindly and I thought it was cute. Then all of a sudden out of NOWHERE, Landon points right at her face (no-no number one) and very sternly says, "No No Lady!" At first I could not believe he said that...he has never, ever done something like that. To other children, yes, but to an adult and an elderly one at that...never. So I immediately told him that was very unkind and disrespectful and that he is never to do that again and I told him he needed to apologize to her. In the same breath I apologized to her and before I was even done, she left the line...just got out of it, and had tears in her eyes. I wanted to literally crawl into a hole. I love old people. I love for them to like my child...I love for him to bring joy to their lives. I do NOT like to make them cry...and I do not like my child to make it look as though we have never taught him any manners. I felt so badly. I didn't even know what to do. Then the check-out lady did not say one word to me and kept giving me dirty looks. And it was such a good grocery trip until that moment...
I am making kabobs for my neighbor tonight. Red and orange peppers were on sale (yeah) so they are in there, as well as green peppers, onion and pineapple and an amazing chicken marinade with honey and soy sauce,  ginger, garlic powder, sugar, etc... Should be delish. Then I am going to make German chocolate cake and cream cheese bars for dessert. The great part is that I am making enough so that we can partake as well. I can't wait until dinner...well, really dessert. I could give or take the dinner. But I am usually like that. Love dessert, not so much dinner.
My family is going to Florida in August and Jon and I thought we would be able to go with them. We tried to finagle it every way possible, but we just can't. Too bad. It is one of those things I wish I had never gotten excited about because the let-down is so much more difficult than if I had known all along there was no way we could do it. Oh well...I am going to give it everything I have to go with them next year.
For the month of July I am cleaning a mechanic garage once a week. I did it last night and it was especially dirty, gross and disgusting. Namely the break room and men's bathroom. Gross...I won't even go there. But it is $60 in two hours...and no matter how disgusting it is, I cannot turn that down.
Landon was talking in his sleep last night saying, "Play my choo choo, Daddy? Please?" Over and over. It was so precious it made us both melt. Reason being, Jon and Landon play train every night, but last night Landon was naughty and lost his  choo choo priveledges for the night. He was obviously distraught enough about it to talk about it in his sleep. Tonight should be a fun round for them!

Eventful Week 7-7-06

An Eventful Week

New News News!
My neighbor had her baby (the one that I went to the hospital at 33 weeks with). She had her on Wednesday. Lucy Joy was exactly 36 weeks...weighed 6 pounds (has now dropped down to 5lb's 6 ounces), but is perfectly healthy. I have held her a few times and she is just perfect...the smallest little thing I have ever held, but absolutely perfect.
My sister-in-law had her baby boy on Friday. Will Alexander was 7lb's 9 ounces and is perfectly healthy. Landon is no longer the only boy they can play together (eventually) at family get togethers. Fun! We are eagerly anticipating getting to see him in a few weeks when they visit from Georgia!
Despite my mood on Monday, we had a wonderful time together on our vacation. Harbor Springs was beautiful, and although the weather was a bit cool, it was sunny the entire time. My favorite three events of the trip: the scenic route we took from Harbor Springs to Mackinaw City (amazing....high above the water...who knew Lake Michigan could be seriously as pretty as the Caribbean?...the water was the same clear, aqua blue...amazing!); The Caribbean style restaurant we ate at on Mackinaw Island...yum!; renting bikes and biking all over the Island (I felt like Anne of Green Gables!). There are no cars on the island...only horses and bikes and pedestrians, and it was so seriously felt like Avonlea! It was so nice to just enjoy being a couple and not have to worry about naps or what to feed Landon. No schedule, no restrictions...just freedom. It was grand!
We found a church...I think. Funny how I came across it. We were to the point of deciding bt 2, both of which we felt like we were having to compromise with. When researching one Sat, I accidentally typed something wrong and it lead me to a new church website ( ) I had never seen before. What I saw, I we went there Sunday morning....and, I know that it was just one Sunday, but we loved it. We were able to have a long conversation with the pastor, and meet a few couples. There are tons of people our age there...the preaching was VERY solid...the music refreshing, passionate and real...and the people friendly. So, we are desperately hoping that we have finally found a place to call home.
While on our vacation Jonathan and I went to see the movie Click in this tiny little theater. Not really knowing what to expect, I think we were both shocked when we walked out of there in tears. I am cautious about recommending movies, but this one had a really great message to it (EDIT...ok, there is some crudeness and unnecessary sexual comments, but beyond that, the movie was good). Basically (without telling you everything) this guy gets his hands on a remote that will allow him to fast forward through events or situations that he does not like. But then his whole life starts fast forward and before he knows it, his life is out of control and he has lost everything, and is on the verge of death. The whole time I was just hoping with everything in me that he would get a second chance...that he would get to go back around and do things differently. I won't tell you if he does or not, but in this life, OUR life, we don't get second chances. The parallel or the metaphor for the remote is that so many of us live for the future, and not for the present moment. We survive our daily lives on autopilot, and before we know it, our kids are grown, and our lives are nearing the end. How sad would it be if at the end, we looked back and wished so badly that we could have a second do it over...the right way. But we won't ever get that chance. That is why it is so important to live every day with passion and seize every moment, even the mundane ones. Because all too soon our kids will be quiet teenagers who never want to talk rather than never-ending chatter boxes and they will become too independent to hold our hands or give kisses or cuddle in our laps. How terribly sad it would be to want all of this back, but to have to know the reality that it will never happen. I do not want to live on auto-pilot. I don't want to just exist...but I do it so often. Get through one thing to get to another and end up doing it all over again. Watch the will bring tears to your eyes, and maybe even some passion back into your sure did mine!
Landon did great at his Grandparents. He even stayed on track with pottying...telling them when he had to pee or poop! I was so proud of him...although I did realize that this was a big step of independence for him...he did not need me to remind him or help him...he did it all on his own. He is becoming quite the little man. The other night he told me that Jesus lived in his body. It had been a few weeks since we had talked with him about that, so I am assuming he picked that up in sunday school...they probably said something about asking Jesus to live inside of you. It cracked me up though to imagine what his little mind thinks. I think he really believes that someone named Jesus lives in his body...specifically (he told me) in his tummy.

A Blah Day 7-3-06

Monday, July 03, 2006

A Blah Day

We are going on vacation tomorrow. By "we" I mean my husband and I, no child. I should be so excited, but for some reason I feel kind of down. Not necessarily about the trip, but just in general. I will not be so prideful as to not admit that my husband has accused me these past few days of having an extended bout of PMS. I have felt somewhat moody, but I cannot lay my hand on what exactly is my problem. Oh well, hopefully my vacation will heal it. It husband doesn't get much vacation time and for me to ruin this time would be a crime. Anyway, we are going up to Northern Michigan...touring Mackinaw Island, going across Mackinaw Bridge and visiting a little lake town called Harbor Springs. It should be relaxing and fun, and even more so because it will be just us which hasn't happened...well, in 2.8 years.
This weekend was quite uneventful. Friday night we went to the beach and it was a GORGEOUS night. Saturday we worked around the house and then went to the mall and out to dinner...and Landon was not so well behaved...for any of it. Sunday we went to yet another new church...and knew quite quickly it was not going to work either (that leaves us with 3 options, none of which we love...all of which we have visited numerous times). Then we worked around the yard and last evening, my parents came up and we got burgers and took them to the beach for the evening. It always means so much to me when they come up here. But, again, Landon was terrible. In fact, I cannot tell you the last time that he behaved as poorly as he did last night. I am sure this is some new phase, but man are my patience thin. He was so mouthy and defiant last night that it was truly embarrassing and humbling and maddening all at the same time. I almost felt like I did not know him...he was that bad. Gotta love the phases we go through with our children, one ends and another begins. He was better this morning, but his defiance is still really evident. However, when we were driving back from the store this morning and he said to me, "Mommy, stop quiet, I just need a break for a little while." I was not mad at fact, I wanted to burst into tears bc he learned that from me. This weekend at some point he was whining, whining, whining. get the point and I said those exact words to him. To hear them told back to me made me feel like a terrible mother. Sometimes I know that I do not say the right things to him, and I certainly do not always have the right tone to my voice. This was a very tangible reminder that I need to be very careful of what I say to him and how I say it. I am not sure that I should be telling my child to stop talking...and probably not in the manner I told him to do that either. So there you are, I am humbled.
Here is a picture of our newly painted table. I would put a before and after picture except that I only get 10 a month and I don't want to use 2 you will just have to trust me when I say that it has made a DRAMATIC difference and was worth every penny of the $25 we spent on paint. And since everyone keeps asking us: Yes, we painted the leaves (sp?) too!" I am not sure why so many people have asked us if we would leave the two of them nasty brown...that would not look ridiculous at all with our black, would it? We do still need to distress it around the rims, but you can get the general feel for what it did. Our chairs are quite ornate and the paint really subdued that a lot! Plus we took all of the leaves out so it is small and round (we had it oval before with one leaf in it), and we like it much better this way! So it is...
Well...bye to all of you! Have a great week!