Saturday, June 30, 2012

This Time I know 5-07

This Time I Know

Noah 207This last week has been filled with friends and family! I was not sure if I would have any help once I got home from the hospital since my mom is so completely bogged down with work this week and next, but my friends (and sister) stepped in and filled every gap. Jonathan was here Monday and Tuesday, Brenn came Wednesday, my friend Krista came Thursday with her little girl (and mopped my floors and made me dinner!!!...nobody ever did this for me before and I didn't really know what to do with myself!), and today my cousin Jessica is coming and staying until Saturday or Sunday, and Saturday our friends from Detriot are stopping in for a few hours too. Fun, fun fun!!!! Next week...nothing concrete on the agenda, which sounds kind of nice at this moment 
My poor mom. I know her heart is here with Noah and I feel so badly that she has not been able to come see him. To top off the fact that this week and next are her two busiest of the year, my grandfather had a heartattack on Tuesday morning, and since my mom is their primary caregiver, this has sapped up every ounce of available or not-so-available time. Not to mention the stress she is under from work and everything entailed with my grandpa in the hospital. He is going to be ok, but it is just a matter of time. Please pray for my mom...I don't even know what else to do. I just feel sad for her.
Noah 088Landon seems to be adjusting slowly. His only real issue so far has been emotional...he cries about everything! He has been a little more argumentative than usual as well, and it is difficult to know how hard we should be on him during this time. It is important to me that he knows that our love for him remains the same despite the changes in our family. I want to give him a little time to adjust, but I don't want to regress with his behavior either. Hopefully as my sleep deprivation begins to lift and my hormones regulate I will have a little more patience with him.
Noah is doing awesome. I took him to the doctor on Wednesday and everything looked great. When we left the hospital he weighed 7.10 and he had gained a whole 6 ounces which made him a nice even 8 pounds. Still not back to birth weight...but I like him fact, I am struggling with not wanting him to grow or change at all. I just want him to stay exactly how he is. He is so tiny and floppy and snuggly and EASY and portable get the picture. My milk has come in...started Sunday night and I am still in the serious Noah 182uncomfortable zone. I forget how long this lasts...can someone remind me?! He eats about every three hours and doesn't seem too interested in eating before that and I don't want to pump right now bc I don't want to keep producing this much milk (I feel like I could feed a small village of infants). I had a low milk supply with Landon and I don't want that either.  Whatever is happening, it seems to be working like a charm because for the past two nights, Noah has only woken ONE TIME to eat at night. Oh how blessed the sleep has been! I have been waking about 40 minutes before he does bc my milk storage area  gets beyond uncomfortable after 5 hours, but I am sure my body will adjust...someday. And who knows...this whole waking only one time a night probably won't last 
Speaking are a few things I have learned thus far:
This time I know....
  • That eventually he will crawl, walk and talk and I have no need to push him to the next milestone. Rather, I am enjoying these moments of nothing but wide eyes and a beautiful little rooting mouth.
  • That he will be tiny for such a short amount of time. I am holding him closer, rocking him more, staring at his little face and trying to memorize the details that seem to change with each passing day.
  • That if he cries for ten minutes while I bathe him, he will be ok. In fact, it will probably make him sleep better.Noah 202
  • That if he screams while I change his diaper at 3 am, Landon will sleep through it and so will Jonathan. And if they don't...oh well. Life will go on 
  • That even when you are sleep deprived, feeding your tiny baby in the wee hours of morning is somehow enduring and heartwarming. It is just he and you. Being awake for an hour or so seems to pass like a few minutes.
  • That I can lay him next to me in the bed for a few minutes and it won't make him co-dependent. He loves to snuggle close to my body and I cherish the snuggle time. We never did this with Landon...and while I don't want him sleeping in our bed with us, a few moments here and there are priceless. It amazes me that at a few days old if I put him six inches from my body, he will figure out a way to scooch his little body all of the way over to mine until he is scrunched right in. He loves his mommy 
  • That he won't always be this portable and easy. Take advantage of it...we need to do a LOT this summer because once he hits a few months old, he won't be as easy.
  • That someday this tiny little baby boy will be talking and running and the memories of this time will be all that I have. I feel like I cannot cherish this time enough...I cannot make it last long enough...
  • That someday we long to have more children, but there are never any guarantees. Hence why we need to make the very most of every single second we have with our boys.

Birth Story 5-16-07

Girls Love Birth Stories :-)

We are so funny! Jonathan thinks it is so hilarious that women are so interested in labor stories, but I think it is something innate. Births are such miracles and to share the stories, in some small way, makes us all feel like we were included in the process. I felt badly for not being able to post all of those days in the hospital because I know that when you all have babies I check your sites 50 times a day looking for an update  Yesterday Jonathan worked from home, so I did not see the computer all day...literally (Got your 50 comments comment Marla...but not until about 10 pm last night and I had already hit 60  ). I loved reading all of your was like receiving 60 little fact, I am overwhelmed with how embraced and encouraged you have all made me feel. Who knew a blog community could fill such an emotional and social need in ones' life! Thank you all for traveling this journey with us...I know I have said that a lot...but really, your support has meant the world to me!
Ok...on to the good stuff...
Noah 029Thursday evening I spent doing my final project. Not what I wanted to be doing the night before I met my newest son, but nonetheless, there I was. I knew it was not my best work, but considering the circumstances, I pushed past my perfectionism and just turned it in around 1 am (I checked the grade last night and I am SO glad I did not put more work into it then I did...because I did just fine on it  ). I hardly slept the rest of the night. Your mind just races in the hours before impending labor. I have to say that I like going naturally better in that the anticipation doesn't play tricks on your mind. When I got up around 5:45am I just kept saying to Jonathan that I wish we could go to the hospital and pick up the baby...not have to birth it. I had no idea what the labor would be like and all I had to go on was what happened with Landon, which to appreciate Noah's birth, you need to know a little about. With Landon: water broke, contractions started immediately and one on top of the other, thought I would die, got stuck at 3cm, they pretty much told me I needed an epidural, after trying the IV drugs, I listened, got the epidural, went totally numb, thought I was going to die bc I couldn't feel my lungs or my heart (a feeling very hard to describe), started throwing up, never stopped for over 5 hours, was 10 cm for about 4 hours bc I was puking too much to push, finally pushed for over two hours, couldn't get him out, she tried the "vacuum", didn't work the first time, told me I had one more push and if I didn't do it c-section was only option, gave it all I had, it worked...I thought every organ in my body came out. Praise the Lord it was over.
Noah 076Ok, so I am going into the hospital with THAT story in mind. I get there and they gave me antibiotics for two hours (I was strep B positive). That meant doing nothing but being hooked up to an IV for two hours (kind of plays with your mind  ). At 10:30 the doctor broke my water bc I was already 4-5 cm dilated and pretty much effaced. We figured out the reason I didn't go on my own was that my cervix was in a weird place with Noah...stuck behind his head. Otherwise, I probably would have gone weeks ago! It was weird having my water broke for me, but it didn't really hurt. That got things started but the contractions were not super regular, so they gave me a little pitocin around 12:30 and I was off. I started walking around and pretty much immediately the contractions got very strong and very regular. I tried to endure and could not decide if I wanted an epidural or not. I was scared of it making me sick and also of not being able to breathe, but I was also scared to death of actually feeling the baby come out. I finally opted for the epidural somewhere in between gripping the bedrails and writhing in pain and whimpering like a 3 year old. I kept telling Jonathan how afraid I was of the epidural, but my anesthesiologist was AWESOME. He asked me so many questions about last time and tried everything in his power to prevent all negative things from happening. They also gave me Zofran before the epidural to fend off the nausea. Noah 130The epidural took forever to get bc the guy was being so careful, but I so appreciated his effort. But it is hard to sit completely still when your midsection feels like it is going to kill you. Anyway, I had the epidural all of 10 minutes and suddenly I told Jonathan in a VERY panicked voice, " Go get the nurse, the baby is coming out!" At that point, I could still feel everything and I was NOT prepared to feel the baby come out. It petrified me. I got panicked and started crying. The pressure of actually feeling a child come out...oh my goodness, indescribable...I have no real desire to ever feel it again  The nurse came and checked me...sure enough I had gone 5-10 cm in TEN MINUTES and Noah's head was right there. She ran to call the doctor, the room turned into a hurricane, the nurse said she hoped she wouldn't have to catch the baby in a bucket?! The whole time I just kept whimpering telling anyone who could hear me that I felt like he was going to fall out any second. I was seriously panicked. The doctor came, I pushed maybe 20 minutes and out he came. By the time he came out, I could feel some and it really helped with pushing bc I knew what I was doing, but it had taken effect enough that I did not feel EVERYTHING. In fact, it was just about perfect. By the time she was stitching me up (yeah...another nice tear) I couldn't feel a thing .
Noah 188I could not believe that the whole experience went so quickly and so flawlessly. No throwing up, no breathing problems, no death and dying. It was beautiful and I would take labor ANY DAY over pregnancy  My nurses were so wonderful and encouraging and supportive and Jonathan was so excited and such a cheerleader. Everything about the entire experience was just a beautiful as it could have possibly been.
The moment I met Noah was so surreal. I knew he was coming...I watched him and as they handed him to me it was like the moments of the last ten months slipped far, far away and I was ready to do it all over again just to relive a moment like that one. Ten fingers, ten toes, perfect little lips, eyes of wonder...simply amazing. God seriously doesn't miss a beat...every detail of pregnancy and birth is a testament to the handiwork of our loving God.
Noah 175So, Noah was unnamed for about 30 hours of his life  We had decided he was going to be Noah or Cohen (pronounced like Owen but with a C in front of it). When he came out, Cohen was dropped because it est didn't fit him, but we returned to thinking he was an Avery. After going through about 7 other names including Logan,Christian, Chandler, Caiden, Grant and many others, we somehow cycled back to Noah and definitely decided that he was indeed our little Noah Grant. Hours later we realized that we must have an affinity for Nicholas Sparks movies considering Landon was from a Walk to Remember and Noah from The Notebook. No it was not intentional, but we do love both of those movies 
Boy this post is getting long. Noah is extremely laid back so far (praise the Lord!). He sleeps pretty much all day and only cries if he is hungry or is getting his diaper changed (he hates being naked). The first night home from the hospital my milk was trying to come in and he had a very rough spell from 10 until 3 but then his tummy settled and he was fine. Two nights ago he was awake from 3 until 6 but he was happy...just awake. Last night he slept all night aside from eating at 1, 4 and 7. He has put himself on an easy 3 hour feeding schedule and so far, he is just an easy little guy.
Ok, any more questions? I feel like this post is wayyyy too long.  I have more to share, but Noah has a doctor appointment in a few hours and I need a shower. Jonathan is back at work today and my sister is here to help...and here I sit on the computer for an hour  More on the emotional rollercoaster of labor, delivering, embracing a new baby, milk production (the biggest thing on my mind these days  ), and any other topics that come to my scatter-brained mind later 
Oh yes...have I mentioned that I wish I could bottle up the smell of a newborn forever. I could smell his tiny little head for hours and be so content. Oh how I love him 

The Best Mothers Day Gift Ever 5-14-07

he Best Mother's Day Gift....Ever

 Yesterday I had the privelege of bringing home the greatest gift any mom could ever ask for on Mother's Day...our newest little boy!
Noah 132Noah Grant Hunsberger
8 pounds 4 ounces
I didn't have internet in the hospital and so this has been my first chance to introduce you all to Noah. I have been so excited to show him off! Thank you all for labor and delivery was INCREDIBLE! Compared with Landon, every single aspect was a walk in the park. I will post the story soon...but suffice to say that yes it hurt, and yes it was what labor is ~ excruciating...but it was relatively short and ended with this beautiful little miracle.
 I am doing great. I have the normal pain of recovery and am extremely sleep deprived, but aside from that I am doing wonderfully. Noah is healthy and beautiful. When he came out, I thought he was a seven pounder...he looked so tiny, but he shocked me by being 8.4 ounds! He has lots of hair, especially in the back, but unlike Landon who had white hair, Noah has strawberry blonde (I love it and wish it would stay forever!) and I get lots of jokes about the mailman considering the rest of us are all blondes  He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces when we left the hospital yesterday and he just seems so tiny and perfect!Noah 049
Noah 158Landon is completely and totally in love with his baby brother. He cried every time he had to leave the hospital becuase he didn't want to leave his brother behind. He has held and kissed him at least a million times, and so far, the adjustment has been as easy as pie...but it is only day 2  Noah seems very laid back, although last night he had a pretty rough time from 10:30 until about 3. Now, of course, he is sleeping soundly by my side.
Thank you for praying and encouraging and walking beside us through this incredible journey. I knew I would say this, and I am going to...I hated being pregnant and feeling so sick all of the time (and now that he is out I am seriously REVELLING in how wonderful it is to feel no nausea!!!) but even moments after labor I knew that we would do this again. Nine months is nothing, absolutely nothing, to get this incredible, miraculous, perfect little bundle in the end. And so begins our life as a family of four...and I could not love my boys or feel  more blessed in every possible way than I do at this very moment. Friday at 3:20 pm I was indeed handed my joy from the Lord.
More to come soon....I promise 

The Eve Of D Day 5-10-07

The Eve Of D-Day

Family PicSo here I last remaining hours as a family of three. I wish this day had been a relaxing one, but it hasn't and it won't be. Oh well, I will take my few moments I have here to revel in the quietness of my home, the coziness of my little family, and the kicks of my baby that as yet remains inside of my belly.
I haven't blogged about it because I felt like all I ever talked about was my pregnancy and grad school, but my final project is due Sunday, which means tonight for me. Because I am being induced tomorrow I will not get discharged until today is my due date for my final grad project. I have been trying to work on it all week and the forces of the universe have been against me in every possible way. Every moment I try to steal to do my project gets stolen back away. So here I am on the eve of delivering my second child trying desperately to get this project done...and it will probably take me well into the wee hours of morning. Insane. After this, I am taking June, July and August off of grad school. After tonight I won't have to think about it again for awhile. Please pray I get it mind is not focused and I feel like I have done an absolutely horrible job. So if I have not been with it on xanga lately...that is why. My friends that I talk to on the phone...that is why I scarcely answer anymore. I feel like a horrible friend...but my plate has been way too full and I just haven't been able to keep up.
So this is it. I have to say that I never thought it would come down to an induction. It is very strange to be facing impending labor. I want it...but I know that in a few short hours I will be in tremendous pain. I also know that in a few short hours I will have another son, no longer a mom to just Landon, but also to another. These pregnancy hormones that have made me so sick for nine whole months...but that helped to grow and sustain my healthy baby...they will all go away in a few short hours. No more throwing up. No more feeling nauseous. It will all go away in a matter of hours and I will hold and see this little one who has been kicking and growing inside of me all of this time. How can anyone not believe in God when they witness a pregnancy and birth. In every possible way it is a miracle with the handwriting of God all over it.
My life is relatively simple right now. It is comfortable and easy. We are a family of three. Landon is relatively independent and I know what to expect with him. I have tried to savor these last linger at his side when he is sleeping and to enjoy the fact that I can take a 20 minute shower every morning if I wanted to and he would be just fine without me. I have held his hand longer and snuggled tighter. My heart overflows with love for him, and yet I know that without a doubt the moment I lay eyes on my new son tomorrow my heart will double in size and suddenly it will overflow with love for two beautiful boys. I don't understand it all today...but tomorrow I will. Tomorrow I meet my child. His birth date will be May 11. My entire life I have thought of what my kids birthdays would the days ticked by I wondered from time to time if that would be a significant day. Now October 28 and May 11 will forever be changing days in our lives. I find myself dreaming of what other birthdays lie ahead that I know nothing of as of yet. But they are appointed. The Lord gave us this child, and He gave us Landon...and he gave us each other. How can I want for anything. Seriously. I am blessed in every way.
So tomorrow I endure labor. I experience the pain and after how ever long of pushing I finally get to see and feel and smell and touch my little baby. What will he look like, what will he be like? I know a magical moment is waiting for me right around the corner and I simply cannot wait for it. I know you all will be praying for me tomorrow and I find such great solace in that. Thank you for traveling this 39 week journey with me.You were there in my two week wait...there when I got the positive test result...there when I got sick...there when I went into pre-term labor...there to encourage and uplift me around every turn. You had better believe that you will be there with me tomorrow or the next day as I introduce you all to my new little baby boy. Thank you friends. Until the other side of to you all!

Xanga Get Together 5-8-07

Xanga Get-Together

Ok, as promised, I want to put my feelers out there and see who would be interested in a girls only (well...aside from nursing baby boys  ) xanga get together this summer up here on Lake Michigan. I need feedback...which months look good (June, July, August...from there we will try to figure out dates), one or two nights, depending on how many are interested we could all sleep over here at my house or we could get hotel rooms, kids or no kids, (obviously nursing babies will be present out of necessity  ) etc... Most of us only know one another through the computer so this might be a great way to get to know one another a little better...we could lounge around the beach or the many parks during the day, and we have tons of resortish towns with adorable little shops (and awesome ice cream parlors) to frequent in the evenings...ohhh...I am getting so excited just thinking about it! I live about 5 hours north of Columbus to give you all a feel for if driving is a possibility (if you want specifics so you can make an educated decision...just message me  ) Many of you live in Ohio...maybe you could carpool? Anyway...just wanted to throw that out there and see if anyone was interested!!!
Thank you so much for your name ideas! I told Jon I did that last night and he seems pretty set on the name we is just me floundering at this point. I LOVE Logan...and numerous people have suggested it. I think it sounds great with Landon...but Jon's hang up is that we won't be naming a third child an "L" name and so the third won't fit with the first and second children's names....he is pretty detail oriented  I also love Elijah and Mason (Mason is one of my top names...again vetoed by my hubby!). I like Owen, but know a couple and I don't want to associate my son with the Owen's that I know  So...unless I come up with some new names today, the one we chose a few weeks ago will be the name. I think it is so interesting that many of the names you all suggested were in our top 5-10 list. I will say, that up until a few weeks ago we had named this child Avery Hunsberger. However, Easter weekend we learned that Jon's cousin named her DAUGHTER this a few days earlier...and that idea died quickly thereafter. We knew it was a name used for both sexes, but I cannot bear to give my son a name that is at all even though I still think of him as Avery...I don't think he will be 
Jonathan had Bible study last night so I took Landon down to the festival. We had such a nice time walking around, and the weather could not have been more beautiful. He had his first taste of an elephant ear, which he thought was a real elephant's ear, but loved nonetheless. I am cherishing these last few days, just him and I...just the three of us. It is odd knowing that life is about to change in every possible way in two short days...or before. I feel much more content this week than this point I am just getting anxious about labor and praying for a healthy little baby!
Off to go enjoy the sun. Have a beautiful day, friends!

Three At a Time

Three At a Time

Last May all of my siblings were together for four sweet and glorious days. I can't believe that it has almost been a year since then! Anyway, me and my two sisters shared together that we would all be trying to get pregnant starting immediately or in the next few months. We talked about how fun it would be if we were all pregnant at the same time, even though we live so far would be special to share in that time, all together. Saturday, after a very long but wonderful day, I casually walked out to my mailbox and saw a card from my oldest sister in Florida. I couldn't figure out why she was sending me a birthday, no anniversary, no baby, etc... I opened it and she said something to the effect of, "Even though it is for a short time...we are all pregnant at the same time!" My sister Jennifer is finally pregnant...due January 1, 2008!!!!! That means, I was due in May, Kelly in August, and Jen in January. How often does that happen in the same family!?!?! Now if only we lived closer  Little miracles are popping up everywhere!!!
So...obviosly no baby. I have no hope of going into labor, don't ask me why  They have scheduled me for induction on Friday morning at 7am. way or another this is the week. I just got off the baby center birth club boards for May babies...and there were lots of 37, 38, 39 weekers who were almost 9 pounds...what in the world!?!? Lets pray this baby isn't like his daddy and doesn't come out a whopping 9 pounds 2 ounces. Somehow, be it sheer determination, I will PUSH this child out, but I have given up on ALL natural ways of inducing labor. For two weeks I have barely sat down...I have stayed extremely active and upright at all times, and tried EVERY other idea under the sun aside from castor oil. No baby. So...starting today I give up. I am going to sit back, relax, not try to concoct more ways of being upright...just rest. Actually I started this regimen on Friday, but then this weekend ended up being really busy.
Tulip Time Festival is occuring here this week. So Saturday we took Landon to Kinderplaats, a special event for kids. He loved it! Then my parents brought my grandparents up so I left Landon at home with Daddy and I went to the festival with my parents. We watched the Klompen Dancers and walked around the craft fair and viewed the beautiful tulips. It was a lovely day. Yesterday, Jon's parents surprised us and came up for the afternoon/evening. It was another wonderful day! They took us out to a scrumptious lunch at Red Robin and then we went downtown to drive them down Tulip Lane. Then we got their dog and took him to the beach. It was so nice to lay on the sand and enjoy the warmth of the sun. After that we got ice cream and walked downtown a bit. It was a perfect Sunday...but even the sandwalking didn't birng this baby!!!
Here we are at Monday again. I am going a bit stir crazy, but I have nothing to really do today. It is gorgeous out so we may meander outside for the morning...and my final project for my grad class is due Sunday (actually before Friday bc of my induction...hmmm) I guess I should work on that  Don't give up on me way or another...this is THE week. In a matter of days I will meet my little one...until then, we need to work on finalizing his name. We have gone back and forth for MONTHS...the name we have chosen I like, but don't love. Any ideas would be appreciated!!!!!!!!!

Kids Say The Darndest Things 5-4-07

Kids Say the Darndest Things

A snippet of a conversation Landon had with a neighbor boy who showed up to play with him last night. A small side note: this little kid is a piece of work. He is probably 2 years older than Landon and is rude and has a bad habit of stealing things from people's garages.
Kid: Can I play trucks with you? (Landon was playing dumptrucks in our landscaping)
Landon: No.
Kid: Why not?
Landon: Well, I have to go in.
Kid: Why?
Landon: Because I have a baby in my belly.
Kid: You can't have a baby in your are a BOY!!!
Landon: turns all red and looks around sheepishly for what to say next.
Clearly Landon has picked up on my using the baby in my belly as an excuse to not do things...I can't hold him for long periods of time, some nights I can't read story and daddy has to bc I am too sick bc of the baby in my belly, etc... He really thinks that he has a baby in his belly that is going to come out when mine does. He keeps telling me we need another crib bc we are going to have two babies...his and mine. This didn't seem to be a problem until last night when he let the cat out of the bag and now our neighbors know Landon has a baby in his belly too, even though he is a boy 

Something Other Than Myself

Something Other than Myself...

I realized yesterday, through my miserable mood, that I was avoiding people. I no longer want to answer my phone (which rings off the hook) bc I don't want to hear, "Are you in labor yet" one more time and I don't call people back bc the first thing they say is, "Are you in labor?" I am sick of talking about it, and sick of thinking about it and sick of waiting for it. I admit this not becuase I want those of you who call me to stop...I don't. It means the world to me that you care and are interested in my life and in our family. I don't know what I would do without you!!! I realize I have not made my due date yet, but let me just explain why I was wanting the baby so badly this week or last 1) The doctor got my hopes up 2) This baby has been dropped for 8 weeks ='s very uncomfortable 3) I am beyond over feeling sick every evening...last night found me in bed with a lot of nausea....again 4) My mom and sister (my only two helpers) are very, very busy next week making me wonder what in the world I will do with my three year old 5) Landon came at 38 weeks to the day, I had a HORRIBLE labor that almost ended in a c-section. I am petrified of c-sections for some reason and I am scared that if this baby is any bigger I won't be able to get him out. I know second labors are supposed to be easier, but I can't help but have that nagging fear in the back of my mind. 6) having preterm labor made me think early baby, now I can't get him out. Given all of this, the wait has been in sane and as I come closer to that 38 week (tomorrow in fact) mark, my anxiety seems to continuously rise.
I give you these reasons not to justify my feelings, but more as an explanation. Given that, in discussing something other than myself and this baby with my husband last night I came to realize just how consumed I have become with this whole issue and how my focus needs to shift from myself. This is not healthy. In fact, it is ridiculous. I get it that waiting for the impending birth of your baby is a time of anticipation, a little anxiety, anticipation, etc...but it doesn't need to consume every waking thought. Maybe this post is mostly a self-pep talk to ME.
Too many people close to me are having serious trouble conceiving ANY children and here I am about to deliver my second baby...getting in a bad mood bc I may end up with a c-section...but in the end, I have two beautiful children. We just heard about friends of ours who are a tad YOUNGER than us...she was just diagnosed with lymphoma cancer. A healthy, normal woman just like myself who just got married a little less than two years ago, now facing a life-altering, perhaps life-ending disease. Doesn't seem fair...Her husband is a youth pastor and instead of looking towards starting a family, they are discussing chemo and radiation and serious life and death issues. And I am spending a day worrying about not having this baby yet...what in the world. There is something VERY wrong with that.
I am not trying to pound myself into the ground...simply trying to give myself a little more perspective outside of my own little world. It is so easy to get consumed with the happenings in ones own life that we fail to really see that life does not revolve around us. Or at least I struggle with this. I get down about such stupid things...such petty things...but ultimately every morning I get up and greet two beautiful children (almost) in a house and neighborhood I could only dream of and open my back door to let the sunshine in and I get to hear the sound of the birds chirping and given something unforeseen...I have an easy, beautiful life with absolutely NOTHING that should cause me to to be so self-consumed. The Lord has chosen for whatever reason to bless me beyond belief, and I know that I have nothing to complain about. Someday maybe I will have something, such as the couples above, that will rightly consume my mind and life...but for right now, I know my heart and attitude are in the wrong place and rather than sitting outside and moping about not being in the hospital birthing this baby, I should be on my knees PRAISING God for the blessings pouring out of every crevice of my life.

Sorry to Disappoint 5-2-07

Sorry to Disappoint

 I am STILL home. I had contractions through the night, as in every time I woke up I felt them, but again, they just never got stronger. I have to admit I hardly mind was everywhere. So I am tired today and a little discouraged...but still having contractions, just not the kind I want to have 
I can't get over how much your support, encouragement and prayers have meant, and mean to me during this time. I think Jonathan thought I was crazy for being on the computer last night at 11:30 to update you all...but I felt that it was really important to update you bc I COVET your prayers and encouragement.
Last night the contractions started rolling at 6pm, so I made dinner, ate, cleaned up and we all went on a nice long walk that included sand and hills  When we got home, I didn't want to sit down for fear it would all go away so I walked our subdivision a bit and then came in and got Landon all ready for bed, and then vacuumed my whole house. By that time I was exhausted, still having contractions, but getting really discouraged bc they just were not getting strong enough. Some of them were hard enough to make me stop and breathe and not talk...but most were just like, "ohhh....yep, that is a contractions." I am today, May 2, still no baby. My appointment went well yesterday...I was a good 3 and there was a bit of other progress that is a little gory to write about on xanga, and she said my water bag is bulging (doesn't that sound gross?). She said, "See ya tomorrow!" but I know that with these things statements like that simply mean, you could go anytime...but there are no guarantees. So, unlike last week, I am keeping my wits about me and trying to keep my hopes from getting too high.
It is a beautiful day. I will take that as a gift from the Lord bc I am not sure my mood would handle a dreary, rainy day all too well today. Thanks again friends...for everything.

Heading to the Hospital 5-1-07

Heading to the Hospital

I have been contracting since is now 10. They are about every 3 minutes, but not necessarily getting stronger. Painful...but not to die for. I called the on-call doctor and he said to head in. We shall see. If this stops or is false labor I will not be a happy camper.
EDIT: Boy that was a quick response from you 4...I was hoping to delete before anyone saw. Jon feels that we should stay home and try to sleep and see what happens, rather than waste the whole night with a possibility of being sent I am NOT going to the hospital right now...I am going to bed...perhaps I will go in the middle of the night, or perhaps it will all go away and I won't. Oh how I wish I knew what to do. Can you feel my indecision. Can you tell how great of a mood I am in?! At any rate, thank you for your prayers. Please pray it happens tonight or tomorrow. I will be so discouraged if the past 5 horus were for nothing. Hopefully we can get a few hours of sleep and head in...the Lord knows when this child will come and I am trying to rest in that. Goodnight friends.

STarting To Wonder 4-30-07

Starting to wonder

People are starting to wonder so I had to update quickly...still NO BABY!!!!!!!! My weekend was taken up with preparing for my final grad I just have to finish my final project in the next two weeks and I get a nice break! Aside from that, I walked, weeded, dug out and re-planted landscaping and generally did all I know to get this baby on the move. Nothing. I am seriously beginning to think I will still be pregnant come June. I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon...I will update then hopefully with some good news 
Thanks for your continued prayers and encouragement. I know that I do need them and will need them! As for the picture password, if I have not gotten back to you I promise I will. I have been gone all day and need to get Landon down for a nap right now. 

Photo Password 4-28-07

Photo Password

Ok...I have the password to view my proofs from Amy, but I am not just going to post it so a ton of strangers or weirdos can view personal photos of me and my, if you want to view the proofs, please message or comment me and we will go from there. I am not too terribly cautious about what I do and don't post on here, but these are personal photos that I really don't want to share with just anybody. So, if I don't know you please don't be too terribly offended if I decline... 
As for the whole labor thing...I will probably still be pregnant in June. I played my neighbors wii last night...Jonathan and I boxed. It was a blast and my arms and legs were killing me and I was totally out of breath...still no baby. If that didn't bring it...I am pretty sure nothing will  Tomorrow and Sunday are supposed to be can bet I will be upright walking, weeding...anything to get this little one out. I was really nausous again last night and I just can't take too terribly much more of this. Hoping for some good news in the very near future. Oh final grad exam is Sunday. If I have not had the baby I have to take it...please pray for me. To say I am behind is an understatement and my mind is so far from grad school right now that I am pretty sure it is a lost cause. I did this to myself...I know. But still, please pray. Thanks friends!